The Big Bang Theory Quote a Day

Sheldon: You need to remove that chair from the building. It’s a health hazard.

Penny: Okay, relax. I took off the slipcovers, had them dry-cleaned and then fumigated the cushions.

Sheldon: Really?

Penny: Yeah. It’s cleaner than my couch. Found half a Hot Pocket in there.

Sheldon: It certainly looks okay. Has a strong toxic chemical smell. That’s reassuring.

Bernadette: What are you going to get at the train store, Sheldon?

Sheldon: Oh, I’m not buying anything. They’re having a lecture. H-O gauge railroading. Half the size of O-gauge, but twice the fun. Very controversial topic.

Howard: Which side do you come down on?

Sheldon: I’ll let you know after tonight. Unlike some people, I’m going in with an open mind. Who am I kidding? Of course we all know it’s O-gauge or no gauge.

Leonard: Uh, uh, you’re not naughty. Uh, you’re, you’re, you’re dirty. You’re, you’re a, a dirty girl?

Priya: Oh, yes. Yes, I am.

Leonard: Yeah, yeah. Uh, okay. You’re a, you’re a, you’re a, a dirty, disgusting, revolting girl. Ugh!

Priya: God, Leonard, stop talking.

Amy: Should I go? I’ve been told sometimes I overstay my welcome.

Leonard: What, who told you that?

Amy: Well, most recently my gynaecologist.

Leonard: Well, you stay as long as you’d like.

Amy: I’m glad to hear you say that, because I’m having a wonderful time. Hmm, I said the same thing to my gynaecologist.

Leonard: Why don’t you just give me five minutes? I’ll Google how to do this. I’ll call you right back.

Priya: Shh-shh-shh. Just be quiet and do what I tell you.

Leonard: Okay, like usual. Good.

Howard: All right, honey, if we’re gonna make the movie, we should go. (Raj stands) This may be hard for you to hear, but when I say honey, I mean my fiancée. (Raj whispers to him) Yeah, well, now it means her.

Bernadette: It’s okay if he wants to come.

Howard: Fine. But next time, we get a sitter.

Raj: Mmm. Oh, cheesecake, you’re just as good as a woman, even though I can’t have sex with you.

Howard: Try throwing it in the microwave for a few seconds.

Leonard: Aren’t you going with Sheldon?

Amy: No, I have no interest in model trains, stores that sell them, nor their heartbreaking clientele.

Leonard: Oh. Well, I have some work to do, so…

Amy: I can’t imagine that would disturb me. Carry on.

Leonard: Okay. Wouldn’t you be more comfortable at home?

Amy: Not really, no.

Leonard: All righty then. Guess I’ll just get started.

Amy: Leonard, please. I don’t need the running commentary.

Leonard: Hey, how go the wedding plans, Howard?

Howard: Great. We spent five hours last night at Macy’s registering for gifts. Looks like I’m finally going to have that darling little earthenware asparagus dish I’ve always wanted.

Raj: Ask her how many children she wants, and whatever number she says, say, me too.

Howard: No.

Raj: Fine. Tell her I have a deep, sexy voice like James Earl Jones.

Howard: She doesn’t know what James Earl Jones sounds like.

Raj: Great. Then she won’t know I’m lying.